I'm officially downtrodden.  Today I found out that the scholarship I applied for and felt reasonably certain I would get went to 2 other girls in my class.  I talked to on of the teachers yesterday, one of the head photo guy who also went to Yale grad school, to ask when we would find something out about the scholarship.  He said that he thought only the people receiving the scholarship would be contacted.  When he asked who I was and I told him my name I could tell I didn't get it.  But the up side to all this is he said, "I personally really liked your photos." Then went on to describe what he liked about them, which meant a lot since his opinion is the one I respect most in the photo department.  I could tell from the way he was talking that he voted for me, but that 'personally' really did me in.  It's weird how one word can tell you so much.  I guess it's not that big of a deal.  I guess I shouldn't take this as I'm untalented and incapable of doing anything as a photographer, but I've gotta admit, I sat in the bathroom stall and felt all those things intensely.  The saving grace is Steven's comment.  In my heart, I know I have a good eye.   Maybe I lack work ethic, but I have a good eye.  Right now, I feel like I have to use this as motivation to work harder.  Just a few good photos per semester is just not enough.  I know that, but for some reason I haven't been able to make myself shoot more.  I'm going to use this as a spring board to take more pictures.  That's the only positive and productive thing I can do with this.

BUT!  I got the apartment I want to live in next year, which is pretty great.  It's an old, well taken care of, 1890's house with big windows and a lot of charm.  I'm pretty excited about it.